ok I know I HAVE TO WATCH this episode again. but god, Edlund. I love you. This is so fucking subtle way of Cas asking dean if he hasnt something he would like to say to the angel who sacrificed everything for him and said sorry a dozen times and never got a sorry back. or a thank you.
A man and his slave. What could be more homoerotic than that?
Well, this film takes it to bromance levels, that’s for sure.
We start of with Marcus Flavius Aquila, a Roman solider that arrives in Britain to be the head of a legion posted there. Basically he wanted to be sent to this shit legion in Britain because his father was also a solider but he fucked up and lost some pretty golden eagle ornament thing which obviously caused a pile of stinking dishonour smeared over the family name. Marcus wants to dissolve that situation and he thinks by being an awesome kick-ass leader he can do that. Unfortunantly for him there’s a bit of a battle and he is badly wounded. He is sent to his uncle’s to recover and then he receives word that Rome is grateful for his bad-assery and he’s got himself a fancy new bracelet and an honourable discharge (because of his wounds), but being a big manly man he is not happy with this and does a Stars Wars Darth Vader style scream behind closed doors. To cheer his nephew up the uncle brings him to a gladiator fight. Only this gladiator isn’t fighting another gladiator, he’s fighting Esca, a slave. Esca refuses to fight because it’s clearly not fair anyway and he is then totally whumped to the ground. Everyone in the crowd is doing their thumbs down thing (which may be historically inaccurate, Google it) and then Marcus is inspired and he’s all thumbs up for my new boyfriend, come on bitches!
I may be gay for you so I’m saving your life.
Esca is spared and Marcus goes home thinking that was the end of their short romance.
Until uncle comes through and buys Esca to service Marcus. Nice.
Marcus is all “oh, no! I didn’t overly want this! You owe me nothing!”, and Esca is like “I’m your bitch now for saving my life”.
So, now Esca is Marcus’ slave and we’re about to get a lot gayer. Marcus still has some metal trapped in his leg. He’s been tied down by Doctor Crazy so as he can cut poor Marcie’s leg open and get it out. Marc looks up from the table at Esca and tells him he can leave. He clearly doesn’t want his slave/lover seeing him in pain and weak. Esca tries to leave but the doctor says he needs him to hold Marc down while he carves him up some leg.
I need not comment on the homoerotic-ness of this scene, I respect you too much to spell it out for you. I will add that Marc makes all these pained faces right up in Esca’s face. It’s pretty hot.
Next scene is when Marc wakes up and look who is waiting by his side -
“Esca, did I shame myself?”, (shakes head), “Thank you”
It’s totes ma goates a big deal for a master to thank a slave. Now we know they are profoundly bonded. So, anyway, some crap happens and Marc decides , ‘hey, I’m gonna go get that golden eagle back and bring honour back to my father and family and plus it was so, so pretty, it’d look good on the mantel’, but because he’s a Roman he can’t leave the town they’re in, unless….!!…!!!…Esca helps him. Esca is British and therefore can speak the English and get them around safely etc.
THUS BEGINS THE EPIC GAY JOURNEY!
They have a bit of a roll in the grass and Marc says some hurtful things about Esca’s slavery. Sexual frustration is hard.
But really it’s all gravy until they bump into some mental looking bastards with mud on their faces. They like Esca though because he’s the son of William Wallace or something, so they take him out for dinner (basically), however, Marc isn’t so lucky and is thought to be Esca’s Roman slave. Oh, how the tables have turned.
How do ya like me now, bitch!?!?!?
So, they all slap Marc around a bit and he gets a view of what it’s like to be a slave. Which I thought was a really good parallel. Marc truly thinks Esca has betrayed him until…
“I thought I’d lost you”
He really said that, aww. Esca comes through and is all, ‘let’s get your pretty eagle thing and go home’. So, they get out of Crazyville and ride away, alas, the Mudkips aren’t far behind and the horses give up and then Marc’s bum leg gives up.
“Never let go, Jack!”
Marc tells Esca to take the eagle and leave him there to die. Esca says “only if you give me my freedom”. Marc does and then Esca is like psych! I’m not taking it, but I’m going to go get help because I love you too. Marc thinks he’s had his chips, he’s off on the boat to Olympus or where ever Roman’s go, until…
Esca returns with Marc’s dad’s old army, or whatever is left of them (they were the coward ones that ran away during the famous eagle battle thing), anyway, they’re here! Marc gives Esca that big gay lovers look. They fight the Mudkips and then share a romantic moment over a burning corpse of a friend.
They head back to their town and hand over the eagle. Some Roman guy makes a comment about Esca being a slave and Marc defends him like all good boyfriends do.
Then they walk off into the sunset.
Esca - “So, what now?”
Marc - “You decide”
And many beautiful homoerotic tears were shed.
All in all, it was a good movie and I’d recommend it to all men who like to overlook subtext and to all women who like to read into subtext.
I capped this just because it’s pretty.